Houston, Texas- At 5:30 P.M. Obama broke his silence with the media with a quick get together in the dead center of Houston where he announced that he is in fact a lizard man from Mars. He spoke on this topic for several minutes stating that “He is no less man than you.” after a couple what felt like years of that he then ousted fellow lizard people like The Pope, the Queen of England, and Scarlett Johansson. After admitting that he lied to the world and that he apologized and said he just wanted to eat all the mice around the White House as they might be ‘Royal”. Then he slammed his fist down and said “ Since I am a United States citizen and a lizard man I demand that we have right for all of us. We should be able to shed our skin in public and eat mice in front of babies without getting weird looks from all of you sickos who eat at McDonald’s.” He then scurried off stage and onto his heating rock while checking Twitter and laughing at all of the old Joe Biden memes. In other news Joe Biden, Alive or dead? Coming up next.